Sunday, January 24, 2010

Life In A Mess....

Hmmm..Today will be quite a boring article from me. I'm actually not very good with words compared to The Horny One. So, writing serious articles or poetic sentences with double meanings are definitely not my forte at all!

My weekend come and go peacefully & quietly in a blink of an eye. I do not know why, but i feel that 24 hours is definitely not enough for us to spend. Procrastination and the fear of facing the reality are my worst enemies. From my blog, Simon Lover sounds like a flamboyant, bubbly, fun, crazy, flirtatious, clubbing, "38 kia" kinda guy. But in reality, Simon's is an ultra quiet, shy, timid, boring, stubborn, doesn't smoke, only drink socially, technology out-dated ( I'm still using a camera-less, Nokia 3120 for the past, say, 5 years?!!! ), old habits die hard-kinda guy.

And i don't possess any superficial beauty to shout about either ( minus that tanned butt only )...Simon Lover is just an average 170cm, 55kg, 15cm, Versatile B, slim middle-age guy who  can still easily pass out as an 18 year old boy ( I don't know whether it's good@bad -- Good:  Looking youthful is always a synonym with Simon -- Bad: They will transcend into a state of horror when i mentioned my age. [ p/s: I'm actually older than Pluboy but younger than William nia - so, u guys can imagine-lah ] ) - Online flirting is slowly fading from Simon's vocabulary. As Simon ages, Simon tends to search for profiles which are same/older than him -- and i think you guys can guess why is it so too.Flirting with twinks make me looked so paedophilic while flirting with younger guys that looked older than me, make me feel ashamed of my age!

Simon likes to keep things too. So, over the weekend, i did a lil' spring cleaning of my room -- Stacks of letters, bills, statements, receipts. And i found a touching Valentine Card from the Horny One, dated 28.2.2008. This is one of the reality i dun like to face either -- I don't like to think back about past memories because i will get very sad, especially knowing that i'll be the one going up earlier than my loved ones. Hence, Simon's Heart Of Steel is definitely not a joke. Looking back at the card too...It has been 2.5 years working in a small, far-far away land and another year in a moderate town of leaning towers, without the Horny One by my side either, depression, pessimism & loneliness has somehow incorporated in my life.

Of course throughout the 2.5 years in a small, small town, there are good times - friendships, travelling, undemanding job, get to see the Horny One at least once a month -- but there are bad moments too, so bad that till this day i still wouldn't want to face it like a man -- bad investments, bad health, bad time-management, endless debts, bad emotions. The month of January 2010 is coming to an end soon, with February welcoming us in a week time, i feel that my life has not changed much. When my friends lamented that after 3.5years of working as a Health Professional, we still stay in a budget hotel whenever we go for travelling ( e.g. Penang's Chulia Motel RM48/Nite or Bangkok's Rainbow Hotel RM20/Nite, anyone? -- Hahaha..Not that i'm complaining, being thrifty is still an old-habit that is hard to die ).  

Small town it may be..But this hot Malaysian Model originates from this small town! Don't worry, i shall post his profile one of these days. - 1 thing to ponder here, how come he can be so well-built compared to me ah?! Maybe i shud start doing some fishing, rubber-tapping, jungle-trekking ady~!! Hehehehe

Maybe it's time for me to leave my current worktown and move to the greener pasture of Kuala Lumpur. Maybe a fast-paced life can give some motivation to me to stop proscrastinating and re-organize my life, my career, my future? That is why, i'm setting a modest 2010 resolution for me and the Horny BF to achieve -- which is to produce some achievement that can improve our Quality Of Life by the end of 2010. [ Cheh...It's always the same old, cliche resolution that doesn't seem to be realized anyway, right?! ] -- I'm sure that the boy who graduated at the Top of The Faculty, together with the Boy who locked in at #5 out of 148, will somehow make the Year of the Tiger roars!!! [ working with the government and in small towns somehow stifled that spirit in one's heart though -  all we need is just some confidence and something that is definitely lacking in our lifes, "LUBANG" of cuz!!! [ -- 'Lubang" in Malaysian/Singaporean slang literally means "any connections to the powers-that-be or any shortcuts? ]

Sorry if i bore you guys. I really don't have the mood to do anything at all. At the moment, i'm slowly deleting all my bad habits and aura. I have started to avoid the word "SIGH" in my smses, msn'es & posts since Jan 1, 2010 and i hope i can regain my confidence & optimism just like when i'm 7-to-15 years old, where back then, petite i may be, but i have the spirit of a "Madonna" and everyone was still naive too. ( and i don't know why, after that, it has been downhill ever since then..Being gay has somehow help lowered my self-esteem, FEAR have been my Best Friend ever since -- Fear of being caught dating in public, Fear of being called a softie, Fear of exposing my gay qualities with every move i make, Fear of self-consciousness ) ----CHOI! I think i better stop now.

Thanks for listening to Simon's ramblings. Muacks From Simon!


C'est la vie said...

15cm is very long already for me! damn!

Well, I am really happy that you post something like this. This is how you show up yourself, admit and conform to yourself, and come out to people.

But Simon, I strongly don't recommend you to expose too much about yourself here.

Take care. You know where to find me, if you need someone to talk to. I am always here for you, but you never see me.

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

Hi Simon...
You take care huh?

Gratitude said...

Ooooo more baby fat! :)

William said...

"I'm actually older than Pluboy but younger than William nia - so, u guys can imagine-lah"

I can imagine wringing your cute little NECK! :P

Oooo... I thought the horny bf banned you from posting such a pic? :P. Ingkar perintah suami! Hehe. Get rid of the phone... it will be the first step to a brand new way of life! :P

Takashi said...

15cm of WHAT again, may I ask?

Im 27, you're 28, and William is 29.. coming 30 :P

nicky05 said...

yeah....dont think about past lo...think about future and changes lo...XD

the happy go lucky one said...

oh... u poor thing, u should talk to me, then u will b much more cheerful and happy, and u will say : lucky me, much better than happygolucky... wakakaaaa...
i think u know tat u r not at any bad position, of coz improvement and development are always welcomed!
wish u all the best, and be happy :)

Paul J said...

15cm huh? leaves me lotsa imagination...... talk abt 30s ........ sigh...

Anonymous said...

It's time to get out of the small country town and back to the Horny BF. That place sounds as though its crushing your spirit. Why stay if you are so unhappy? Being with the man you love will lift your self-esteem and give you a new purpose in life. Maybe in a big city you can stop being so afraid of being gay and worried about being found out - its nothing to be ashamed of - and start to enjoy life. It maybe a cliche, but a life lived in fear is a life half lived. - Ian

Little Dove said...

Late twenties is not middle age hokay? Haha. You're very funny. That's why I enjoy reading your bloggie. ^_^

simonlover said...

Cest La Vie: Yalor. Must try to keep more "SECRETS" ady.

Shakira: Thanks. Jz another weekend depression. HAhaha

Gratitude & William : Hahaha. Oops. Guess u guys managed to see the pics b4 it was taken dwn. Hehehe

Takashi & Paul J: Looks can be deceiving. You need to measure it by using those measurement tape, the tailors like to use one. Hahaha

Nicky & Happy Go Lucky: Thanks.

Ian: Well, the thing is that i hv no choice bt bonded working wit the gov. So, have to bear another few more mths.

Little Dove: Hahaha.Funny?