Saturday, April 9, 2011

The 5 C's - Cocks, Condoms, Coercions, Climaxes & Cums! - Part 1!

Today I'm going to talk about a THING that's featured prominently in the fast, flashy, flamboyant & fantabulous life of the Gay World --- CONDOMS!

The 5 C's - Cocks, Condoms, Coercions, Climaxes and Cums!

The place that I'm working in sells LOTSA condoms everyday! Daily, I need to re-stock the condoms on my shelves! The people who buy my condoms come from various types of background. If I have the opportunity, I will  always glance through the customers that are loitering around the aisle [ Hahahaha....Well, the condoms are considered "high-loss" items due to their small packaging nature - ma. So, I need to be "ON-GUARD" once in a while - RIGHT?!! -- Not-lar as if I want to SPY on them ---!!! Blek -! ] ---

SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER!

Curious teenage boys, guys and men ----- Promiscous Guy-Girl couples be it married or not ------ Damn Fugly Guys whose-sex-lives-are-more-sex'citing-than-me [I'll be damned, my dears! Seriously!!] ; ------ Damn GORGEOUS-looking straight guys where immediately, SimonLover will fantasize or imagine the-outrageous-out-of-this-world-sex-scenes of that gorgeous guy will have ------- The Wild Sex Sessions of a Damn Gorgeous-looking Straight Guy with a Damn Curvaceous Sexy Lady Partner who comes and buy my condoms ----------------------

Imagine how wild the sex is going to be for this Pretty Couple?!!! Such a waste!

Yes, I see alot of these kinda people daily in my work --- Only just one walk of people where I have never see [ or they did drop by but I was probably away at that moment?! ] ---- Hahahaha --- Well, your guesses are as good as mine --- "SEI GAY LOU(s)"!!! -- Or in other words...GAY MEN!!!!!

The "Sei Gay Lou(s)" Sista-Hood! =P

Seriously, I've been working for 3 months already but yet, I have never SPIED a TOTALLY-GORGEOUS-FUCKING"LICIOUS-DETECTABLE-GAY-GUY cum and buy my condoms!!!! -- I'm not trying to brag myself over here, but I do have a very good gaydar detection ability-lor and since I'm notorious for being flirty whenever I'm faced with a gay lou, I will surely offer my sincere "services" to them; especially if they have any enquiries - in a very "SimonLover-esque" way, ya'know?!!! ---- But then again, Where have all the gay men gone too?!! -- Where do Malaysian Gay Men buy their CONDOMS?! Seriously?!! ---- This scenario kinda leads to one unfounded truth, which is --- MALAYSIAN GAY MEN like to do it -- BAREBACK!!!!


So, today will be the first part of my The 5 C's Series 0f Cocks, Condoms, Coercions, Climaxes and Cums! And what better way to start it off with "How To Put On A Condom" by my favourite PornStar, Brent Corrigan!
 
The Super Bottom-Cummed-Versatile PornStar, Brent Corrigan!

But before that, here's a little message from Brent Corrigan himself!
  1. Make sure you plan ahead. The time to think about safer sex isn't after you've had a few drinks! If you think there's even a remote possibility of f*cking, have a condom and lube with you. Have it in your big head AND your little head that you're going to put on a condom before you f*ck.  

2. Check the date on your condom to make sure it has not expired.  


3. Carefully open the condom package... NOT with your teeth or with scissors!  


4. Pinch the reservoir tip between your thumb and finger (to get the air out) and put the condom on the head of your hard penis. While holding on to the tip of the condom, with your other hand roll the condom all the way down the shaft of your penis as far as it will go.


5. Pour LOTS of condom safe lube on your penis. Condom safe means water based or silicone only. If you use lotions or oils, the condom will break!  


6. FUCK!  


7. If things are going for a long time, check every once and awhile to make sure the condom is where it should be. If it going for a really long time, take a break and put carefully put on a new condom.  


8. After you have cummed, while you are still hard, pull out while hanging onto the condom. For extra safety, don't come inside your partner or anywhere near his asshole. Wrap the condom in tissue paper and throw it in the trash. Wash your hands and your dick!  

 
STOP HIV. PLEASE FUCK RESPONSIBLY.

And Please, CUM AND BUY CONDOMS FROM SIMONLOVER!!!! PLEASE DON'T BE SO STINGY, GUYS!!!
GAYS MUST SUPPORT GAY BUSINESSES MA!!!
....Hahahaha....

Here's a Video Guide From Brent Corrigan!  

10 comments:

Calvin said...

Thumbs up! A very educational post indeed for all gay men to know and learn.

Le Chatelier said...

Oh. My friend told me that he gets his FREE stock of condoms from gay club wor~ I think the condoms are from PINK TRIANGLE

Deicidal said...

em... where's ur shop? LOL

I buy mine from pharmacies.

Calvin U said...

how to visit ur pharmacy when we dunno where is it?

8====D CLICK HERE TO SEE BIG BULGES AND WET HUNKS BIKINI 8====D said...

.

nicky05 said...

buy for me one? :P

Anonymous said...

Hahha..........thanks Takashi.....can go hunt for Simon Lover

simonlover said...

@Le Chatelier:Haha! I'm actually embarrassed to say we actually "curi" condoms that are provided in Singapore & Thai gay saunas! Haha..SO cheapskate us!

@Anonymous: U better inform me earlier whn u want to pay me a visit so that I can dress nicer! Haha--Usually I dressed simply nia!=P

Anonymous said...

but where do u sell them? U hav to let me know or i wont be able to buy it from you...

Anonymous said...

but where do u sell them? U hav to let me know or i wont be able to buy it from you...

link within

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