Disastrous Massage Experience - FC Massage, KL

Two weeks ago, Me & The Horny One paid our maiden visit to FC Massage Centre, Taman Connaught, Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, after reading some favourable reviews at Trevvy.com's Forum. Furthermore, it has one additional advantage which is, all the masseurs are Chinese! - Hehehe

One Fine Night, me & The Horny had two available options -- Either go to Kakiku Sauna or have a relaxing massage. Somehow or rather, fate has it, i made a wrong turning somewhere along Jalan Loke Yew. Thus massage was the only viable option then.

Taken from their website...

The thoughts of being massaged by cute chinese guys kept playing in our minds during the journey to Taman Connaught. We reached there at about 8.00pm. It was drizzling [ why did we missed the omen of something bad which is goin' to happen?!! ] and we entered the premis, located on the upper floor of a shophouse, just beside a corner chinese restaurant.

The thoughts of naked massage? Hehehehe..hamsap!

There were about 5 masseurs available at that moment. We asked the Young, Chinese-Ah Beng style Captain, to recommend which masseur that have better massage skills. We picked our masseurs and were escorted to our massage cubicles soon after.

These are some of the masseurs. We can't really rmbr which one is ours since they barely talk to us and the room was too dark....I think mine is Boy K3 and Horny One is not in the picture, kot.

The room was quite dark. It had a mattress on the floor and thin partitions. It didn’t have a door, only a curtain. In most of the places that i have been, usually they will give us a few minutes to prepare our stripping session and hide our valuables under the mattress. But over here, as i was just lifting up my T-Shirt, the masseur has magically entered in and i had no choice but to give that bugger a free strip-tease show lor!!!!


I proceed to lie naked on the bed with my face down. The pillow was too soft and i had to support my face with my arms as well. Without wasting any time - not even a short introduction of his name - he begin the massage session on my shoulder. The massage was only so-so, to me. The music played in the background was too loud. Hence, it took me about 10 minutes to find an opportunity for a slow, soft song to be played and finally i get to open my mouth and asked a few questions.

( all the conversations are in Cantonese k )

Simon : Hi! What's is your name?

Him    : I'm Edwin.

Simon : So, how long have you been working here?

Edwin : About 2 months,

Simon : Oh, okay. Who taught you how to massage?

Edwin : No one.

Simon : Huh?!!! No one?! Then, how you know how to massage?

Edwin : Well, i have to learn it by myself. Each time i have a customer, i will trial-and-error on them. Massage is a common-sense kinda skill what. You can learn different skills everyday and get feedbacks from your customer.

That explains why his massage skills involve only 1 kind of stroke. Kheksei. But at least, he has quite strong arms. Further conversations included:

Simon : How come today not many people working?

Edwin : Some of them went for dinner, while some have out-calls.

Simon : Oh. Out-calls. Nice. Remember to wear protections ya!

Edwin : Oh, sorry! No fucking for me. I just do body-to-body massage only. No more else.

However, he doesn't talk much. Most of the conversations were initiated by me. If not, i thought i was being massaged by a mute guy pulak! Anyhow, standard massage steps were done by him.The shoulder, neck, back, buttocks ( I just had a two-day afternoon swimming session and my butt-tan line was at it's best since ages ago. And i thought i might get some sexy compliments from the massuer tim, Which, Unfortunately, a definitely nay from the quiet one! ), thighs, legs, the chest [ Haha..The only time where my cock came alive! The eroticsm that you get from the dripping of massage oil, with the masseur on top of you and carressing your body all over, it's difficult not to get an erection lor - especially you are totally naked in front of a stranger. ].

But one thing i don't like about having an early erection is that, everytime the masseur sees it, he couldn't resist the temptation to proceed with the groin area. Why? -
#1: He can ends the session earlier. Most of the time, after the customer ejaculated, the customer is already not in the mood of any sexy-massage.
#2: He is trying his luck to get some Tips.

The compulsory "Urut Batin" ( Manhood massage ) was basically just another "Hand-Job" session. No massage pressures were applied except for the super-fast up-down-up-down motion on your shaft. But i politely declined the masseur when i was about to ejaculate ( I'm saving it for a rainy day? - Hehehe ). And my massage session lasted about 50 minutes only. The masseur begin to pack his things slowly with some lingering moments. Sensing that someone was actually indirectly waiting for some tips, i played along with his lingering tactics by slowly dressing up! - Well, i'm not going to tip a guy who gave me one of the least memorable massages, right?!!!

Hand-Job massage anyone?

The Horny One's experience was even worse! The masseur opened his mouth only twice : "Name: Ah Sang" - And "Please turn around" - after finishing massaging the back portion.

Massage oil was splashed all over his body, superseded by a hasty palms that feels like they are catching the heaven door for re-incarnation!! ( Hahaha - A direct translation from a cantonese proverb ). The guy has tattoos all over his arms and from his behavior & actions, the Horny One guessed he picked a straight one. The massage pressure was too strong and the masseur even stand on top of his back, a-la Lydia Sum massage style! That cost the Horny One to have some muscle-sores and a few black spots on his back for the next few days!

They did not even bother to switch on the air-conditioner, leaving the Horny One sweaty like hell before the Horny One demanded it to be on! And in about 30 minutes, the whole session ended! What The Fuck?!!! - In my room, i have just flipped over for my front-body massage before my masseur commented,"Eh, how come so fast one your friend finish?!!"- The Horny One was already not in the mood, hence, did not even bother to argue with the massuer & Captain for the bad service.

The services & rates available at FC Massage...

One of the reasons the session ended earlier was maybe because we chose the Normal Massage, RM40 and not their forte massage, which is the Naked Body-To-Body Massage RM69. Furthermore, we look like twinks and not the typical uncles, ah peks that frequently visit this kinda centres that can afford to shower them with lot's of extra gifts, $$$ for pleasuring them. Hence, the masseurs have a pre-conceived thinking that they won't be getting much tips by massaging us. Thus, it explains why the "nonchalant", bad services given to us.


Worst still, if you are lucky enough to get Straight Masseurs like the Horny One. Straight masseurs usually give the worst massage ever and i do not know why, massage centres keep hiring them!!! Because these straight bastards usually work for the money and somehow, i think they also felt disgusted servicing & pleasuring these bunch of perverted, sinful homosexuals. That is why, most of the time, the faster they massage or the faster they help their customer ejaculate, then the faster they can get out from the room.

Furthermore, straight Chinese guys, being the typical materialistic Chinese, Money is the most important thing. If he sense that he's not getting any TIPS from you, that's it. He'll just cincai massage you. Unlike the Malays or Borneo Guys where they tend to stick to the 1-hour time-frame.

Faster cum lar, u fucking faggots!

However, Gay masseurs have their own weaknesses as well. Gay masseurs tend to get excited when they see a handsome customer. So, the standard massage steps are reduced, focusing instead on the buttocks, groins and fore-play. Some do not even care about the money just as long as they can "have fun" with their lengchai customers - It's understandable too since most of their customers are from the age of 35 yo and above.

The Horny One even had the time to snap a picture of those cheaters in the lobby room.

I do not wish to comment on other massage centres at the moment, in short, all i can say that, if you want a straight-forward, relaxing massage, DO NOT GO to FC MASSAGE! It's one of the worst Massage Centres for a good massage.

(  However, if you want some "action" Body-To-Body Massage, 24-Hour "Outcall" Massage or other "services" besides massage, FC Massage is one of the place to go.You have been warned! )